, , , , , , , ,

I went in for a checkup today. My second cast was taken off and I had more xrays taken. The xrays showed good, but scary news. My bones are healed enough to begin the process of putting weight on my ankle and foot and trying to take steps.

Before we get to that part, let’s go through the checkup process, for those who are going through a similar situation and care to know about it and because I feel like sharing ALL of my experience at this visit.

The doctor cut the cast off and my leg looked “gross” to me, but great to the doctor! My skin has healed, but because I have been in a cast, all of the dead skin is still the top layer! My leg looked like snake skin that the snake had left behind! I was a little horrified at first, seeing your skin that way is weird and not something your expecting and add to that the fact that I haven’t been able to shave that part of my leg in almost 3 months Lol. I’m sure you can picture the very ugly picture that we were seeing.

I haven’t felt water or ANY moisture of any kind on that part of my leg in so long and the skin gets so dry, so dead and then SO itchy. Of course, doctors tell us not to try sticking anything in our casts to attempt to scratch, but when you’ve been in a cast for as long as I have or for any amount of time, you find a way to scratch! Anyways, my doctor was in a rather good mood today and decided to give me a wet towel, soap and a dry towel. While I held my ankle still, my wonderful husband took that wet towel and soap and started cleaning my foot/ankle/leg and that water was the most AMAZING feeling ever! So, if you are ever in my situation and have to have multiple casts, ask your doctor to let you wipe down your leg with a wet rag before he or she puts the new cast on!

After cleaning up my leg and getting some of the dead skin off, the doctor pointed to my ankle and told me to look. I COULD SEE THE TOP OF A SCREW RIGHT UNDER MY SKIN!! I could touch it and feel it, as if it was right there in my hand. Unfortunately, because I don’t have very much “meat on my bones”, I had very little skin to cover all of the screws and plates, so they will most likely cause a LOT of irritation once I start trying to walk and I will have to have another surgery to remove some of them. Which equals MORE recovery!

But, now I am in a walking cast and am supposed to start trying to take small steps and put my weight on it. In two weeks, I will have this cast taken off and will be cast free and starting physical therapy! While this is great news, I am scared, nervous and anxious. I have had the walking cast on for 7 hours now, but still have not attempted to do anything. The doctor says that it will be very painful and it will send shock-like sensations up my entire leg. It will swell and may even feel broken all over again.

I still have the memories of how painful it was during those first few days and weeks. It was so painful that I cried and begged the doctor to cut my leg off because the pain was so intense and I just wanted it to end! I am terrified to feel that pain again. Logically, I know that the pain won’t be as bad, but my brain is still so emotionally traumatized that I can’t bring myself to try and walk.

I know it has to be done. I know that I will do it. I know that it will hurt horribly bad and that I will get through it, just as I did the first time. I know that it is going to take everything that I have to give and more and I know that I’ll give it. I know that it’s going to be something that will ALMOST break me, but I know that I AM strong enough to make it. I know that no matter what it takes or how long it takes, I WILL walk again one day. And I will walk on my own, not with a walker, a cane or any other form of help, I will do whatever it takes to get as close to how I used to be as I can.

While I know all of these things, I also know that I can’t do any of it on my own. I have my family, my friends and my wonderful son and husband to push me when I need to be pushed, encourage me when I need encouragement and to show me love and compassion when that’s all that will keep me going. But I also need prayers from all of you! I know that just like with every other hard and/or challenging situation I have faced in life, God WILL bring me through it and I pray to Him for strength, healing and courage everyday, but I can use all of the prayers that I can get right now! So, please, when you finish reading this, just say a quick little prayer for me! Thank you all so much in advance!

Thanks For Reading!

-Wife & Mother & Friend