I recently overheard two women having a conversation about abortion. We were in a doctor’s office waiting room, just a family doctor, not an abortion clinic. I had been reading a magazine and minding my own business until I heard one of the women say that she wanted an abortion.
Now let me just say this from the beginning, I personally would not ever have an abortion, but I do respect the fact that it is an option that some women choose. I do not like it, but I do respect that this is a free country and women can choose to have one if that’s what they feel they need to do.
So, I stopped reading my magazine and started listening to the two women talk. We will call the pregnant woman Jill, the woman she was with will be Marie and the father of the baby will be Jack.
Jill told Marie that she was 10 weeks pregnant. Of course Marie told her congratulations! Jill then stated that she was just too young to be a mother (she looked about 25-28), that she still had her whole life ahead of her, a baby wasn’t part of the future she had planned out and that things weren’t really working out with Jack and she was on the verge of leaving him.
Marie, apparently a mother herself, was telling Jill how amazing motherhood is and how yes, her life would change, but it would change for the better. Marie then asked Jill two very important questions. The first question was if Jill believed in God. Jill said yes, of course she did. Marie then asked Jill what if God is giving her one shot at motherhood, what if after this pregnancy, for whatever reason, she could never get pregnant again and how would she feel about that. Jill said that God would understand her choice and that he wouldn’t punish her by never giving her another chance later in life.
Marie pointed out that some people have an abortion and then are never able to get pregnant again because of complications. What if that happened to Jill? Jill said that if that happened to her and she was never able to get pregnant again, she would be okay and it would just mean that that’s the way God had planned her life.
Of course Jill and Marie went back and forth, but I could tell that Jill had already made up her mind and nothing Marie said was going to change the way Jill felt.
The other part of their discussion really got me thinking too. Apparently Jack, Jill’s boyfriend of 3 years, was the father of the baby. Jill had planned on not EVER telling Jack that she was pregnant, but Jack was using Jill’s phone one day and saw that she had been on Google looking for abortion clinics and researching how the procedure works. So, Jack confronted Jill and Jill had no choice but to tell him the truth. Unlike Jill, Jack was excited and happy and wanted to keep the baby.
Jill told Marie that Jack had pleaded with her for hours. Jack had said that he would raise the baby on his own, never ask Jill to help or be in the child’s life and he would tell the child whatever Jill wanted him to say so that the child never came looking for her years down the road. But Jill had said no. That she wouldn’t be able to carry on knowing that she had a child out in the world that was growing up without a mother because she was being selfish.
Jack tried everything he could think of to try and change her mind. Nothing worked. So, Jack decided to go speak to a friend of his that works for a law firm. Jack was told that he couldn’t stop Jill from having an abortion. He was told that legally, he has no rights to the child until he/she is born and he is proven to be the father.
Jack gave Jill an ultimatum. Jill could marry him, have the baby and be a stay at home mom or do whatever she wants. She could have the baby and sign over all rights and custody to Jack and she could just walk away and never look back. Or she could go through with the abortion and they could end their 3 year relationship. As of a few hours ago (while I was at the doctor listening to this conversation) Jill had chosen choice number three.
For those who do not know, on 09/14/14 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who passed away about an hour after birth due to a rare but fatal disease. My hubby and I found out that our daughter wouldn’t survive when I was about 22 weeks pregnant. We were given the option to have an “Abortion Due To Medical Reasons”, but we chose to continue with my pregnancy and have our daughter, so that she could LIVE and feel love, even if it was just about an hour! So hearing this woman talk like this really hurt my heart because I would give anything to have a healthy baby right now.
I understand that the woman is the one that has to carry the baby for 9 months and go through everything that comes along with pregnancy and the birth, but it is also the father’s baby!
Do you think that the father should have any rights or any say in the mother having an abortion or giving the child up for adoption? Should it depend on the circumstances of the situation or should it all be left up to the mother to decide?
I would really love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this topic because it really has me thinking! So, please comment and let me know what you think!
Thanks For Reading!
-Wife & Mother & Friend