Fear is such a strong and powerful emotion in life. It is even stronger after a traumatic event.
I am full of fear. So much fear, that at times all I can do is cry.
They all tell you to be strong and that everything will be okay, but they don’t know or understand.
I am afraid!
I am afraid that the surgeon didn’t put my ankle/leg back together right. I am scared that I may never walk again. I am afraid that I may never move my toes again. I am scared that at any moment, something is going to happen and all the bones they fixed are going to somehow re-break! I am so afraid of feeling that pain once again.
I’m afraid of the pain I feel now. Every new little movement or sensation scares me to death!
It’s okay to be scared, they say, it’s all normal.
Not only am I physically exhausted from all of this, I am mentally and emotionally exhausted! Completely drained!
My post surgery check up is tomorrow. I should be happy that I’ve made it through the first two weeks and that I’ll be getting my hard cast instead of this splint. But, there are so many bad things that he could tell me tomorrow about my future and because of that, I AM COMPLETELY FILLED WITH FEAR!
I know that things can always be worse and usually that is what keeps me positive and strong. Not this time. I’m too tired to be strong!
Thanks For Reading!
-Wife & Mother & Friend