Well, today I want to write about a very touchy and controversial subject, ADOPTION. A friend of mine on social media has recently decided and shared with everyone on her social media, to give her unborn child up for adoption. This subject has drawn a lot of positive and negative comments from people. Some people have praised her for her decision. Some people have agreed with her decision. Some people have stated that although they do not agree, they support her decision. Then there are those people who choose to put her down for her decision.
I know that everyone has their own opinion and beliefs about this subject, some good and some bad. I know that this is a VERY controversial topic. So, I want to first give some background on this woman and explain why she has chosen this for her child and then I want to tell my story and speak on this subject from a very personal place.
So, we will call this woman Tiara. Tiara is still very young, around 23 years old. She already has two young children. Her son is 2 and her daughter is 8 months. Both of her children and her unborn child are all her children with the same man. She was in a relationship with a man we will call Brayden. A little over a month ago, Tiara found out that she was expecting her third child with Brayden. A few weeks later, Brayden became physically abusive with Tiara in front of their children. Tiara made the choice to call the police and to have Brayden arrested for domestic violence. The next day, Brayden was released from jail for lack of evidence. Tiara made the tough decision to have a restraining order put in place by a judge, which meant that Brayden had to move out of their home and was not allowed near Tiara or their children until a judge decided what to do next. Out of anger, Brayden destroyed everything in their home and took all of their money and expensive belongings. Tiara was a stay-at-home mom up until this point, so when Brayden did all of these things, Tiara was left with no money or any way to support herself and her children. She knew that it would be hard, but she would rather struggle than put herself or her children in harms way. She wasn’t going to take the chance of Brayden becoming physically abusive again with her or her children. Tiara managed to find a job and she has continued to raise her children the best that she can on her own. A judge has decided that Brayden may see his children and has ordered that he pay child support, but out of spite and anger, he has chosen not to see his children or pay child support. So, with everything that has happened and with the way life is going for them now, Tiara has made the decision to have an open adoption for her unborn child. For those who do not know what that means, I will explain. An open adoption means that Tiara will place her child with a family and that family will become the baby’s parents. They will have legal guardianship of the baby and raise the baby, just like a normal adoption, but Tiara will be allowed to remain in the baby’s life. Tiara will get to see the baby, visit the baby, watch the baby grow up, be a part of all of the important mile stones through out the child’s life and the child will know her and who she is to them when they are old enough to understand!
Tiara made this choice because she knows that she can’t raise another child on her own. She knows that she isn’t capable of providing all of the things that her unborn child will need and want. She knows that she can’t give her child the life that he/she deserves! It really saddens me to see the hateful, ignorant, uncaring and just plain mean things that people are saying to her and that is why I want to share my story with all of you, so that maybe you will understand enough to respect this choice.
I was a teenager when I became pregnant with my son. The circumstances and the story of how I became pregnant do not matter. The fact remains the same, I was a teen mom. I did not and do not believe in having an abortion, so that was never considered an option for me, although I respect that for some women that is what they feel is best! By the time my son arrived, like most teen moms, I was not in a relationship. I was raising my son on my own. It was a VERY rough time in my life and I had to become an adult very quickly. I finally realized that none of this was fair to my son. My son did not ask for any of that. My son deserved to have a mom and a dad. He deserved to have a nice home and nice things. He deserved to have all of the things that he needed and wanted. He deserved to feel safe, loved and well taken care of. He deserved to have all of the opportunities and options in life to become someone great and to do amazing things! He deserved to have a wonderful childhood full of happy memories! My son deserved nothing but the best and as mush as it broke my heart, I couldn’t give him those things as a single teen mother. I grew up with a single mother and a father who left to start a new family. I watched my mother struggle every day to provide for me and my younger sisters. I grew up not having nice things, not having all that I needed, missing out on all of the things my friends had with their parents and needing my mother, but not always having her there because as a single parent she had to work day in and day out to support us the best she could. I decided that I wasn’t going to let my son grow up that way. He deserved more. My mother eventually remarried, but it was too late for me. But, I saw how happy my younger sisters were now that they had a mother and father. I saw how wonderful life had become for all of them. After a lot of prayers, tears, pain and choices, I decided to give my son the life that I didn’t get to have.
I was blessed enough to have a wonderful mother and stepfather who also wanted my son to have a better life than what I had. They made the choice to change their lives forever. They sat me down and they said that they would be honored to raise my son as their own if I was willing to let them. After all of my prayers, this seemed to be a miracle and blessing to me! I was struggling so bad with trying to make the choice of giving my son up for adoption to a family that I didn’t know. I wanted my son to have more, but I was so in love with him and attached to him, so I couldn’t bring myself to give him up and never see him again or never knowing where he was or what was happening in his life. So, when my mother and stepfather offered to take him in as their own, when they had no idea that I was thinking of adoption, it seemed like my answer from God! It took me another 2 months to finally make the decision, and my son was 6 months old, but I finally decided to let my mother and stepfather step in.
That was the hardest decision of my life. I didn’t know if I would one day regret it, how it would turn out, if my son would hate me for it or what the future held for us all. I have had and still do have people put me down because of my choice. I have had people say the most hurtful things in the world to me because of it. But, if I could go back in time and I was in the same position again, I would make the same choice again!
My son is now 8 years old. He knows that he came from my tummy and that I am his biological mother and he understands what that means. He also knows that he has another mom and a dad and that they are the ones who have raised him and taken care of him since he was a baby. I have been there for all of the highs and lows of his life. I visit him almost every day. I talk to him multiple times each day. He loves me and my husband as much as he loves my parents. And every time that I see how happy, smart, funny, talented and just all around amazing he is, I know that I made the right decision for him! Every time something great happens in his life and he tells me about some happy and fun memory that he has, I thank God for giving me the strength to give him a better life. I thank God for people like my parents.
Now I know, understand and respect the fact that this is not an option for everyone, but you should also respect that for some people, it IS the best option! You should NEVER judge someone, put them down, think less of them or think you are better than someone because you don’t agree with their choice. You are not in their position and you do not know what is best for them or their child, only they know that! I’m not saying that you have to like it or agree with it, but you should respect that it is their choice to make. Just because they choose adoption does not mean that they don’t love or want their child!!!! Love is what led me to my decision!
My point is, remember the lesson you learned as a kid. IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL! It is not your job to judge anyone for their choices. This is a choice that is difficult enough to make without a bunch of negative comments and opinions.
I really do hope that I have given you some type of an idea of why some of us choose adoption. And I hope that I have made you think before you judge someone for it!