So, I am a very opinionated person on this subject!
Let me start with two of my favorite quotes.
#1: Don’t cheat. If you feel the need to cheat, then you are not happy. So, instead of hurting your partner by cheating, JUST LEAVE!
I can promise, they would rather be left than be cheated on!
#2: Don’t leave the one you love for the one that you like, because the one that you like will leave you for the one that they love!
Everyone has different opinions on cheating. I am only stating my opinions.
I am sure that 99% of people have, at some time in their life, been cheated on or been the one cheating. So, I’m sure most of you will be able to relate to this post or if you are the cheater, learn something from this post.
First, let me just state for the record, this has absolutely nothing to do with my current relationship. I am speaking from past experiences of my own and from watching friends experience it.
When you are in a relationship with someone, you should be able to trust that person. If you are anything like me, you put your all into the relationship! You learn what your partner likes and dislikes. What makes him/her happy and what makes them angry and sad. You learn all of their favorite things.
You become close with their family and their friends. You learn their habits and their schedule. You start to mold your life and yourself around them. You start to merge your lives together. Until one day you realize that you can’t imagine going back to a life without them in it.
You have given this person all of you. All of your heart. All of your trust. All of who you are. Everything you have to offer. You believed this was enough.
They go behind your back. They start off just flirting. Then private, intimate conversations. They convince themselves that it is only a friendship and there’s nothing wrong with having a friendship. Yet, they keep it a secret. They do it all behind your back, while keeping up the appearance that everything is going great in your relationship.
Then, those private conversations and all of that secret flirting, it turns into more. It turns into private meetings. A little touch here and there. Eventually sex, maybe even a relationship.
All the while, you start to notice subtle changes. But, instead of trusting your instincts and facing the reality, you brush it off. You make excuses for their behavior.
Until one day, one way or another, it is laid out right in your face and you have no choice but to face it. No choice but to face the betrayal, the devastation, the pain, the heartbreak.
Instead of being angry at them, you take it out on your self. You ask yourself what you did wrong. Were you not good enough? Not pretty/handsome enough? Not what they wanted? Did you somehow push them away? Did you do something to make them angry? Will you ever be good enough? Will you ever be their everything like they are yours?
When you should be telling yourself the complete opposite! You did nothing wrong! You are more than good enough! You are plenty good looking! You are perfect!
It doesn’t matter if you did something to make them angry. Or if you did something to make them feel like you were pushing them away. Nothing you could have done gives them the right to cheat.
People who cheat have plenty of excuses, but never a good one. Never a justified one.
If you are the person being cheated on, my advice to you is to let them go. No matter how hard it may be, how much pain it may cause, you will be better off! You deserve nothing but the best! Nobody deserves to be cheated on. I can promise that if you stay, you won’t ever be truly happy again in that relationship. You will always worry in the back of your mind if they are still cheating, or if they will cheat again. You will never be able to trust that person again. You will never be able to fully 100% let go of that pain and betrayal!
If you are the one doing the cheating, first, shame on you! If you feel the need to cheat, then you do NOT love the person that you are with, so why not just end it? Why stay and hurt them in the worst possible way?? I’ll tell you why! You are weak. A coward!
You are too scared to be honest and hurt them with the truth to their face, so instead you sneak around hurting them behind their back! No matter what you tell yourself, there isn’t any excuse in the world that would make it okay. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.
I have never understood what is so hard about being faithful in a relationship and I don’t think I ever will.
If you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone then I would assume that means that you care about them. When you care about someone, you don’t do something to hurt them intentionally! You are supposed to show them how much you love and care about them as a person. You should want to protect them from pain and unhappiness, not cause it.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that some relationships just don’t work out for whatever reason. You grow apart, your lives head in different directions, you realize that you just don’t want to be in the relationship anymore or anything else that may cause it to end. I know that every relationship does not end in a life long happy marriage. I know that some relationships are just not meant to be, but that has nothing to do with cheating.
I always hear the excuse, “I just wasn’t happy anymore” or “We just fell out of love”. My opinion is that when you choose to be in a relationship with someone, it was for a reason or many reasons. I would hope and assume that those reasons include being great friends, caring about each other and loving each other. I don’t mean you have to be in love, but that you love them like you love your other great friends. You love the person that they are.
Just because the relationship isn’t working out the way that you thought it would or you decide that they aren’t making you happy in that way anymore or whatever, doesn’t change the reasons why you chose to start the relationship. You should always think back to why you started the relationship because you will most likely realize that all or some of those things are still true, but it just isn’t working out.
I know that most romantic relationships do not end on good terms, but I think more would if more people remembered the beginning. Because if you ever cared for and/or loved that person at all, why would you hurt them by cheating? If you ever considered them your friend, why would you hurt them by cheating?
I have asked a TON of people, before writing about this topic, the question “What is the worst thing your significant other could do to hurt you?” And the question “What do you think ends most relationships/marriages?” And the answer I received to both questions from 95% of the people asked was CHEATING. I completely agree.
I believe cheating is the worst thing you could ever do in a relationship, besides abuse. Cheating is disgusting. When you cheat you become sneaky and deceitful. You are telling your significant other that they aren’t good enough. That they are not worth your loyalty and faithfulness. You are telling them that you don’t care about them enough to only be with them. You are making them feel like they must have been doing something wrong, when that’s not the truth. You are breaking all of the faith and trust that they had in you and your relationship. And I can promise that no matter what you do or say, even if they make the choice to forgive you, you have ruined your relationship! You will never have what you had before. They will never be able to trust you or feel safe.
You give all of those things up the second you make the choice to cheat. And to all of the cheaters out there, cheating is not just sex or physical. If you are doing ANYTHING with someone else that you wouldn’t do in front of your significant other, you are cheating. If you have to delete texts, calls, emails, messages on social media, you are cheating and you know it’s wrong!! If you have to sneak around to do it, it’s wrong! The sad part is, you already know that it’s wrong, you just don’t care enough and aren’t strong enough to stop!
It has taken me many years of being cheated on, pain, heartbreak and failed relationships to get to where I am. At one point I almost gave up on ever finding that Man and that relationship. I am so glad I kept pushing. So glad I never settled! I have that Man and that relationship now and it is amazing. I have finally found a Man who may despise cheating more than I do, which is pretty hard to do. It feels so great not ever having to worry, think twice or feel like a paranoid crazy person. It is so nice to know that I am in a relationship with someone who cares about me enough and loves and respects me enough to be honest with me and to just tell me if there ever comes a day in our lives when he is no longer happy and wants out! It is so peaceful knowing that I don’t ever have to worry that he is behind my back with someone else. I have found someone else in today’s messed up world who still knows, understands and believes in the true meaning of being loyal and faithful!
If you are in a relationship with a cheater, I hope you get the strength to leave! You deserve to feel the way that I feel. I know it may seem impossible these days because we all know that things have changed since our grandparents and great grandparents were our age. But, I promise that there are still people out there that will do right by you and treat you the way you should be treated, but you’ll never find them if you settle for the cheat!
Loyalty, Respect and Faithfulness will take you a long way in this world. More people should try it!